Eurovision 2025 is coming up in not quite three weeks, and I’ll be watching it, though I hadn’t given it much (if any) thought until I looked up the date just now. I watched in 2024 and amused myself on social media, cackling along with fellow commenters, but the truth is that I was still salty about how Finland had been point-blank robbed by jury voters the year before. See, 2024 was the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s winning the contest, which is probably the biggest thing that has ever happened to Eurovision, certainly the biggest career ever to get a boost from a win. The fix was in for Sweden to win in 2023 so that they could host for the big anniversary the following year. The national juries, who provide half the votes of the contest, duly obliged, giving a forgettable if competent song an insurmountable lead. The other half of the votes come from the viewing public, and they clearly favored the delightful, infectious and more than a little nutty song from Finland, “Cha Cha Cha.” They favored it so much that when the jury points were being awarded, the audience in the performance hall often drowned out the presenters with chants of “Cha Cha-Cha Cha-Cha Cha Cha” to the point that the television moderators were scolding them. The enthusiasm for the fun from Finland was not to be dampened. For the official contest, though, the machinations mattered more than the public preference. As in Space Opera, this volume’s predecessor.

I’ve wandered a bit from the main topic because Space Oddity does, too. Space Opera was easy to explain: Eurovision in space. Well, Eurovision in spaaaaaaaace, because a book about such an over-the-top event has something to live up to. Why is there something like Eurovision in space? The universe is full of life and teeming with intelligences, many of which developed the means to travel between the stars and then duly set out trying to make vast swathes their exclusive property. If that conflicted with the plans of other species, too bad, so sad. Relentless war had a lot of drawbacks, and eventually the remaining species decided to settle their differences with song. When a sentient species is deemed advanced enough to potentially join the interstellar community, said community announces itself and invites the newcomers to participate in the Metagalactic Grand Prix. The catch, though, is that if the new species places last in the competition, the rest of the galaxy will wipe it out and invite that planet’s evolutionary processes to try again in however many orbital periods. Earth’s turn comes in Space Opera, and humanity is represented by a has-been British glam band called Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeroes. They are past their prime not least because one of the three members is dead and the other two have not been on speaking terms for years. The galactic community does not care in the slightest. Sing or get squashed.
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