Nine Goblins is not just the story of nine goblins, one elf, and some weird things that happen, it’s also the origin story of T. Kingfisher. Under the author’s real name of Ursula Vernon, she had a successful and award-winning webcomic named Digger and more than a dozen published children’s books. But she had more stories that she wanted to tell and, as she relates in her author’s note “I had run headlong into the great problem of writing children’s books, which is that you are not allowed to write certain things. Arson, murder, and stacking bodies like cordwood are frowned upon.” Vernon continues, “I often say that inside every children’s author is a frustrated horror author. It’s not an exaggeration to say that T. Kingfisher was that horror author.” So she wrote Nine Goblins “based on my love of Pratchett and James Herriot … and then discovered that no one had any idea how to sell a weird goofy novella by a children’s author, particularly a novella with such a high body count.” (p. 149)
Enter self-publishing. Despite hiccups in production and a decidedly non-systematic approach to advertising and promoting the book, Nine Goblins found an audience. As Vernon explains,
…year in and year out [the book] kept buying me groceries. It almost felt as if the goblins were taking care of me. Moreover, it was proof of concept. I could write a book for adults. Suddenly I had something to do with various stories floating around that were definitely not children’s books.
So I wrote another one. And another one. Nobody stopped me. Eventually T. Kingfisher was getting bigger royalty checks than Ursula Vernon, and T. was allowed to swear in interviews. (p. 150)
Nine Goblins is where it all began. And it begins with gruel for breakfast. The goblins of the Nineteenth Infantry begin nearly every day of the war by having some gruel to get them going. It doesn’t matter much where they’re going, or why. The Nineteenth — better known as the Whinin’ Niners — are grunts, and they know it. The higher-ups may or may not know what they’re doing, but the lower-downs know what they will be doing. Camping out, moving out, and if they are unfortunate duking it out with the enemy. In the broader sense, the goblins know why they are fighting: human expansion has pushed them almost into the sea, so there was no choice but to turn and fight. In the narrower, day-to-day sense, who really knows for sure, and anyone who does know isn’t telling the Niners.









